"There's no point in spending your life in the pursuit of something that's easy." - Alice Kuipers

Saturday, May 29, 2010

The Rain Falls, and I Sleep

It's raining. It's always raining it seems. Lately my lack of energy is almost stifling. Today I curled up on the couch with my dog, Maddie. I lay next to her, wrapped in a big, soft blanket, feeling the tickle of her whiskers against my face and the circle of heat her breath created on my forehead. I'm not afraid to say that I adore my dog. She's gigantic and soft and puts up with my constant need to show her overly large amounts of affection. In fact, that may have been where I went wrong with her. I showed her too much love. Because now, every morning at about five I'm woken up by the soft snuffling of her face against mine. She patiently nuzzles my face until I open my eyes and I'm trapped by the appeal of her large, heartfelt, brown eyes staring into mine. Resistance is futile. Very rarely am I ever able to refuse, instead I pat the bed next to me invitingly. She eagerly jumps up and curls up next to me, pressing into me with all her might to get as close as possible and settles her face next to mine. Our morning ritual. It doesn't matter that the weight of her body against mine gives me back pain from the awkward positioning and impossibility of turning over or readjusting. The softness of her fur against my arm and the gentle warmth of her breath are eternally peaceful.
Deep down I feel the urge to be productive but I can't seem to stir up the energy or passion needed. The rain keeps falling and with it falls my energy. I'm tired and wistful, dreaming of a reality in which I don't have to work. The world keeps moving without me, the dishes keep piling up and the laundry pile grows larger, but I can't seem to join the dance. I'm stuck in limbo, sick and tired of trying to keep up. If I could just take a few days off, pass the chores onto someone else for just a little while then maybe I could recharge, feel better. But it keeps raining.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Always Finding New Ways to Waste Time

My creativity and ability to write with anything resembling skill seems to be waning. I had hoped writing a blog would give me an opportunity to practice. I want to add more opportunities but what with how tired I am, and my lack of anything close to free time makes that difficult. I know I should be working on my book (my deadline is fast approaching) but for those times when I feel like writing but don't feel like working on my book I thought well, aside from my blog what is there? So, I'm starting a new trend. I'm going back to writing old fashioned letters. Who wouldn't appreciate opening their mailbox and finding something other than bills and fliers? Me for one, and I'm sure there are others out there. Plus, it's better than obsessively checking your e-mail ten million times a day, thankfully the mailman only comes once a day. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't, but it's bound to cheer up a few friends.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Screw It, I'm Going to Try Anyway!

I've decided to go for it. (My new job idea that is). It will take some time to set up, and I think I will hire an accountant to walk me through the business side of it, but I'm excited. I'm still not saying what it is, and I won't until I'm ready so leave me alone! Does this mean I've given up on writing? Not in the slightest!
Work on my novel has been slow lately, I'm at a point that is difficult to write. That is to say it is difficult to write it well. I still write for suite101.com as well, although it's definitely not earning me too much cash. The point is, I'm still writing. I'm not giving up. I will finish my book dammit. I made a promise to myself and I plan to keep it. Even though my computer very nearly crashed and I had to set up an online account to store my book on. Who knows when my computer really will crash and God help me if I lost all that work!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Every time I find a glimpse of hope circumstance quickly kills it. I had thought I found the perfect new job for me (aside from writing of course). The problem? I would be self employed again. Which means start up money, the trials and many, many errors of doing my own accounting, and the possibility of it tanking big time. The upside? I love the idea and it would be something I would excel at. Am I going to tell you the idea? No. You would steal it from me due to the sheer awesomeness of it.
I hate normal jobs.

Monday, May 3, 2010


In case you've been wondering what's happened to me over the past 6 days, allow me to sum up. I jumped. I wrote my first article for www.suite101.com and once it goes through the editing process it will be up on the world wide web. The chances of me earning much money from suite101 are slim to nill but I don't care, it's getting my name out there and building my portfolio. I've also been doing my best to work diligently on my book, but it's been tough. I work 7 days a week and when I'm home (unless my husband is home) I have to be away from the office watching my extremely mischievous dog. (And no, I don't have a laptop. I'm incredibly poor. My computer is ancient and very, very slow. Someday when I have money I plan to invest in one). Yep, all I can do is my best. Who knows? It may all work out in the end.
I also found out that my membership in my massage association is up at the end of October, so I have until then to find a new job. I'm just a little bit nervous. (That's an understatement in case you didn't get that). I loathe the idea of getting another job but I know I'll have to. We need money, which means I need to work. Unless of course some publisher out there wants to give me a huge advance... hello? Any takers?