A Rant on Ranting

Can I be honest? I love rants. I love indulging in them, I love hearing them and I love reading them. I know there are quite a few naysayers out there who'd like nothing better than to squash the rant, break it down into constructive pieces and turn it into an unwanted therapy session. They want to dismiss it. Neutralize and imprison it. They want to hunt it to extinction. And by God, they're getting close! The rant has become an endangered species. Once, sought after for its comedic value, its purest of ingredients: sarcasm, rage, and pessimism, it finds itself now lingering in the shadows, treading carefully lest someone spot it and shoot it dead.

But why? Why has the rant fallen from grace? Most would say it's because it's rude. Which is true. The rant does not concern itself with manners. It does not carefully censor itself for political correctness, nor does it care how it looks in the eye of its beholder. The rant is an obese woman in scandalous underwear, declaring, “Here I am world! You may not like it, but I'm comfortable with who I am!” It's in your face with its robust flavour, full of zest, coming on too strong for the mild mannered to take.

Some say that the rant is a sign of bad character. A person who rants is selfish, bitter even. Well, that may be true, but in a lot of cases the rant is a sign of vitality and health! Those who rant do not squelch their feelings down into their guts. They let those feeling out with explosive vigor! They do not become moldy with politeness, dry up in the desert of their manners. They are robust in their hatred of people, situations and opinions. They have been wronged, inconvenienced and Goddamit! The world will feel their pain!

“A person who rants is boring!” I've heard said. To which, I can only laugh uproariously, singling them out in my mind as an idiot and avoiding them thereafter.

A ranting person is not boring. They are an utter delight! I've spent many a splendid evening in the company of maniacally ranting soul, munching on snacks as they unleash their diatribe of woe, listening to the perfect poetry of their expletives, stoked by the fires of their rage as they tell of the sheer injustice of their mother in law's unannounced visit, the vile horror of their ex-boyfriend's bacne and the miserable bastard that dared cut them off in traffic. There is nothing better!
Strip a person down into a rant and you are sure to get at the heart of the matter. There is no truer honesty, nor a more unashamed self pity than in someone who's given in to the rapturous joy of the unsolicited rant. I can think of no better way to unload toxic sludge, be ruthlessly self aware and magnificently entertaining all at once.

I tell you, the rant is not an ugly spewing of self indulgent rage. It is a thing of beauty. To hate the rant is to hate your very core. Because in each and every one of us, a truly splendid rant is already brewing. Don't fight the coming storm. There is no escape. It's far better to batten down the hatches, light some candles and embrace it! Release it from its iron shackles, tear down the walls of propriety and show the world your own naked truth. For the only way to rid yourself of a rant, is to let it out. And as it comes cascading down your tongue, rippling through the air, an iron spiked verbal assault of justice, you will feel the very weight of your discontent lifted, traveling with your words, out into the world. And if you're very lucky, it may just knock a few people down with it.