For those of you who don't know, I'm a twin. Over the years my sister and I have had to deal with a lot of stupid questions, including "can you read each others thoughts?" and my personal favourite, "when you eat does she get full?" (yes that actually happened) To the latter my sister politely responded that he should have his head examined. The truth is, it's been great. It's not often that one is born already having a best friend in the universe. I never had to suffer through the first day at school alone, or worry about having someone to sit with in the cafeteria. Not to mention, she has to put up with me because we're family. Nope, no getting rid of me. She's also a constant source of entertainment. Take for example, the voicemail message she left me today.
"Dear (insert my name here),
Didn't you know you aren't allowed to work when I want to phone and talk to you? I wanted to chat with you and you're not there. Boo.
I just got finished up about, I don't know, ten-fifteen minutes ago with my second roofing quote. Okay, do you remember the first one? Well you know, shoot! speaking of which, oh my God she's probably screwing me! But at least I had a little more confidence in it. This one - okay number one priced fabulous! Guess how much it was. Guess. Guess. Guess. Lower than that, probably. I don't know what you're guessing. It was over $5000 less than the other one and the other one didn't include tax!
So, anyway I was talking with him, and there's a couple of things. I was waiting for him to notice the same things she did and he did notice some of the same things so okay that gives me a little bit more confidence but underneath there in this one spot it was quite obviously rotted and he's like, "oh no, no, I think that's just staining and stuff like that" and I'm like, "well if you get up there and it is rotted, how much will that be?" and then it would only be another $200. 'Cause I told him I was pretty sure it was rotted. And it's not including all of the things that she would have done but that's not a big deal.
So I wanted to discuss all these things with you and talk about the shoe party coming up because well, I wanted to plan some logistics and talk about all the people coming but you're not there. So yeah, I'm talking to myself. Well, to an answering machine but pretty much to myself. I will, I guess, try you later. Bye!
Small side note, I actually had to cut some stuff out. I know. My sister is the queen of the extensively long voicemail message. In conclusion, we're similar in a lot of ways. We're both hilarious, bitchy, judgmental, and gloriously beautiful. (Obviously we're modest as well. But hey, how can I resist complimenting someone who's identical to me? It's being nice and stroking your own ego at the same time. AKA win-win)